Alan Greenspan, the bespectacled, rubber-faced cipher often seen on TV, staggering from his limousine to the Federal Reserve Bank carrying a mysterious loose-leaf binder, operates the economy of the world like his personal yo-yo! Up and down! Up and down! Up and down! During the high-tech boom, Alan was happy, jaunty, cocky, and very popular, but now that the economy has been in the toilet for over a year, what gives? Is he depressed? What do we know about him anyway?
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We asked a million Troubletown experts to speculate on what personal issues in Alan Greenspan's life account for the daily state of the world economy. Not every one responded, but some responded numerous times.
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| Here were the top ten: |
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1.
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The effect of the day's barometric pressure on his hemorrhoids
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2.
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Whether his erection pump is working safely and efficiently
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3.
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Whether his favorite cheese, Bleu d'Auvergne, is in stock at the deli
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4.
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How his "Depends" feel at the moment, fluffy or heavy
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5.
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How often his fleshy Federal Reserve intern is creating irrational exuberance in his shorts
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6.
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Metamucil effectiveness, which he charts on a scale of 1 to 10
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7.
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Whether his thoroughbred pug needed to be cleaned up after in the middle of the night
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8.
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Whether the chicks are seeming to notice him
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9.
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How the underworld demon, Zygolog, has programmed him
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10.
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What the floating teeth in the glass on his night stand have to say when they speak
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One of the positive effects of the war on terrorism, for the Bush family anyway, is that the antics of the president's lascivious, boozing daughters are off the front page of the New York Times and out of the nation's nightly TV news/entertainment shows. Brother Jeb's daughter was arrested at a Walgreen's in Florida (where daddy is Governor) for trying to get Xanax with a fake prescription. This is normal behavior in Tallahassee, but still technically illegal in the United States, so thank goodness for all the coincidental attention being paid to the war on terror!
Well, now the Bush daughters have announced that they will no longer be the Axis of Inebriation, and are coming out of hiding to do their part to fight the war on terror!
What contributions will the first daughters of the United States and the State of Florida make to curb evil in the world?
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