Our Promise

We honor America's troops. We thank you for serving your tour of duty in Iraq, fighting for freedom and saving the world from terrorism. At Halliburtons, we pledge to bring you "restaurant-quality meals" in a friendly, casual atmosphere that is unparalleled within the Iraq war zone. We hold the exclusive contract to feed you while you're on the front line, but our dedication doesn't end there.

Your sweat-soaked combat apparel may be professionally laundered WHILE YOU EAT ($100 per pound, minus sand weight). Ask your server.

S T A R T E R S ......

Chalabi Curly Wings • Named after the man who started the war, tastes just like tangy barbeque farm-raised chicken wings, but actually made from plump desert centipedes (a local delicacy)....................$18

Everything but the Camel • Halli's appetizer platter includes fried onion flower, oven-toasted bruschetta, fried mozzarella sticks..................$24

Flavored toothpicks • Delicious toothpicks flavored in your choice of cinnamon or mint. Low carb! ...............$6

H E A R T Y     S A N D W I C H E S ......

Halliburger • Our original 1/4 pound angus beef patty, broiled over a burning Jeep Cherokee, topped with lettuce, mayo and all the fixin's, on a sand-encrusted bun. ............$62.50

Add your choice of cheese (American, Afghan [goat], cheddar,) add $9.25

Paul Bremer Triple Decker • Named after that pussy Paul Bremer who never leaves the Green Zone for fear he might get his suit dirty, a heavily-fortified club sandwich piled with turkey, bacon, mayo, and lettuce. Comes unassembled, you make it and you EAT it. .............$61

Add avocado slice .....$13

So Long Johnny Tuna Melt • For all you salty dogs. Fine Albacore tuna, drenched in extra-virgin Iraqi oil (the good stuff) and mixed with loads of diced celery and carrots. On whole wheat bread. Yum! .............$59

Wolfowitz • Hungry as a wolf? Dig into this two-inch-high pile of red, red beef, sauerkraut, thousand-island dressing, all on a salty loaf. ............$59

All sandwiches come with pickle. Substitute fries $44.00

E N T R É E S ......

Halliburton's Marine Corps Meatloaf • A favorite of troops everywhere, Chef Halliburton's original recipe simply melts in your mouth. What's the secret ingredient? Camel dung. Yes, camel dung, a local delicacy! C'mon, leatherneck, eat it or drop and give me twenty! .............$175

Hallironi and Cheese • Tender macaroni and tangy orange cheese powder combined to recreate mom's homemade masterpiece. .............$120

Dubya's Chicken Fried Varmint • A favorite southern-style meat portion swimming in white gravy and the Commander and Chief's favorite Texas barbeque sauce. We don't know what to call those desert varmints that get tangled in the tank treads, but they sure are tasty! .............$190

Hallibird • Boneless six ounce breast of chicken, marinated in artichoke hearts, capers, white wine, and slow-cooked at 140 degrees on top of a soldier's helmet on mid-day checkpoint duty. (Weight before dehydration) .............$245

Fresh Catch • (Subject to availability) Sample the local fare straight from the Euphrates River. Usually fish but we can't confirm that it's free of unidentified body parts. .............$219

Cheney Salad Lo-Carb! • Take a trip to our generous Cheney salad bar. Named after our former CEO who has serious heart problems. Bacon strips, pitted olives, chow mein, tofu in bacon fat, and many petroleum products. Visit Dick Cheney's Diet to see his full, Lo-Carb menu.

D R I N K S ......

Water (one refill) ..........................$15 Coke (unlimited refill) .....................$16 Domestic beer (Sam Adams) ..........$245 Iraqi beer (Old Osama Piss) .............$150 Bloody Saddam ............................$260 Local Oil .......$83/barrel(subject to fluctuation)

D E S S E R T ......

The Bunker Buster • This sixteen-ounce ice cream sundae with chopped nuts, whipped cream, and a cherry, will bust your bunker! ...................$79

Rummy Cake • Our house specialty! A crusty, crumbly, unpleasant cake, Rummy cake is very dry and possibly a choking hazard. Made from Department of Defense stashes of Cold War ready to eat meals. .............$80

Halla Carte • Choose from our dessert cart: battlefield prepared tiramisu, cakes, pies, and tartlettes. (Subject to steep charges for operating cart within hostile environs.) ..........$100

An $8 billion gratuity added for each deployment of 40,000 or more. Troops missing or killed will still be charged for their meals.

Delivery available, charge includes purchase of vehicle.............. $870,000.00